A Female Salmon Lays Three

Mick Jagger Could French-kiss A Moose. He Has Child-bearing Lips.

Our Natures Are A Lot Like Oil, Mix Us With Anything Else, And We Strive To Swim On Top.

I Caused My Husband's Heart Attack. In The Middle Of Lovemaking I Took The Paper Bag Off My Head. He Dropped The Polaroid And Keeled Over And So Did The Hooker. It Would Have Taken Me Half An Hour To Untie Myself And Call The Paramedics, But Fortunately The Great Dane Could Dial.

I've Learned To Have Absolutely No Regrets About Any Jokes I've Ever Done. You Can Tune Me Out, You Can Click Me Off, It's Ok. I Am Not Going To Bow To Political Correctness.

Valentine's Day Is Different For Old People. At This Age I Receive Chocolates In Boxes Shaped Like Artificial Hearts.