A Woman Went To A

Women Should Look Good. Work On Yourselves. Education? I Spit On Education. No Man Is Ever Going To Put His Hand Up Your Dress Looking For A Library Card.

They Almost Had To Cancel The Oscars Tonight Because All Of The Designers And Stylists Are Still In Line In San Francisco Trying To Marry One Another.

Before We Make Love My Husband Takes A Pain Killer. I Blame My Mother For My Poor Sex Life. All She Told Me Was, 'the Man Goes On Top And The Woman Underneath'. For Three Years My Husband And I Slept On Bunk Beds. I'm A Double Bagger. Not Only Does My Husband Put A Bag Over My Face When We're Making Love, But He Also Puts A Bag Over His Head In Case Mine Falls Off. It's So Long Since I've Had Sex, I've Forgotten Who Ties Up Whom. My Best Birth Control Now Is To Leave The Lights On.

When My Husband Edgar And I Were Courting, He Said He Couldn't Wait To Have A Baby. It Was Only After We Were Married That He Changed His Mind And Decided That I Should Have The Baby.

I Wish I Could Tell You It Gets Better. It Doesn't Get Better. You Get Better.