And, Of Course, The Funniest

More People Have Been Killed In The Name Of God Than For Any Other Reason.

Obviously, There Are People Who Constrict Themselves And Build Walls Around Themselves, Whether It's From A Moral Standpoint Or A Patriotic Standpoint, Or Just Plain Old Conformity, And Who Therefore Live In Those Little Prisons, And When Things Breach Those Walls, It's Shocking For Them.

I Noticed That All The Prayers I Used To Offer To God, And All The Prayers I Now Offer To Joe Pesci, Are Being Answered At About The Same 50% Rate. Half The Time I Get What I Want, Half The Time I Don't... Same As The Four-leaf Clover And The Horseshoe...same As The Voodoo Lady Who Tells You Your Fortune By Squeezing The Goat's Testicles, It's All The Same: 50-50. So Just Pick Your Superstition, Sit Back, Make A Wish, And Enjoy Yourself.

Medical Researchers Have Discovered A New Disease That Has No Symptoms. It Is Impossible To Detect, And There Is No Known Cure. Fortunately, No Cases Have Been Reported Thus Far.

And Although I Broke A Lot Of Laws As A Teenager, I Straightened Out Immediately Upon Turning Eighteen, When I Realized The State Had A Legal Right To Execute Me.