Anyone Who's Seen My Specials

I Eat A Lot Of Junk Food, Because That's What's Usually Available At 1:00am When I'm All Done Working.

There's Nowhere In The Country That I Can't Go Or Won't Go. I Think It's Because I've Worked On Making My Show Where Everyone Can Understand It, Everyone Can Relate To It, And No One Feels Like I'm Alienating Them.

Every Night, It's A Bakery On The Bus. It's A Curse, Because I Talk About How Much I Love Cake, People Bring Me Cake. And Now I Just Found Out I'm Diabetic, So I'm Like, Are You Kidding Me?!

Life Is Measured By How You Lived It, Not By The Years.

If I Wouldn't Have Done Comedy, I Would Have Been A Teacher. I Was Really Good When I Took An Exploratory Teaching Class In High School, At Getting Kids' Attention, And Delivering Lesson Plans. Though My Principal Even Told Me That This Was What I Was Meant To Do. And That Being A Big-mouth Comedian Was A Waste Of Time.