Apparently, Osama Bin Laden Was

Do You Know What White House Correspondents Call Actors Who Pose As Reporters? Anchors.

Have You Seen The Cover Of Newsweek? They Have Martha Stewart On The Cover, But It's Not Actually Martha. It's A Doctored Photo. They Put Martha's Head On A Slimmer Woman's Body. And Martha Was Very Upset About This. She Said, 'hey, If I Wanted My Face On Another Woman's Body, I'd Stay In Prison.'

There's This Big Pie In Show Business, And You Physically Can't Eat The Whole Pie. If You Give Everybody A Slice Of Pie, You Will Still Have More Than Enough. The Real Trick Is Not To Try To Get The Whole Pie, But To Keep The Biggest Slice.

In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner Thanked His Loved Ones - Tobacco Lobbyists, The Oil Companies, The Ceos.

When Rick Perry Was Told About Kim Jong Il, He Said, 'i Never Heard Of Him, But Then Again, I Don't Listen To That Rap.'