At The Christmas Party, The

We Inherit A Lot From Our Parents: Mom's Eyes, Dad's Chin, And The Attitude Of Whichever Parent Isn't Punishing You At The Moment. All Of Those Things We Have Our Mom's To Thank For."if Evolution Really Works, How Come Mothers Only Have Two Hands?"

I Gave My Wife A Twenty-five-dollar Gift Certificate. She Used It As A Down Payment On A Mink Coat.

War Toys Are Scary. They Have A Rocket Launcher With A Bayonet Attached, In Case You Miss.

A Man Is Hit By A Car While Crossing A Beverly Hills Street. A Woman Rushes To Him And Cradles His Head In Her Lap, Asking, Are You Comfortable? The Man Answers, I Make A Nice Living.

Marriage Is One Of The Few Institutions That Allow A Man To Do As His Wife Pleases.