At The Factory, I Deal

Obama Is The Closest Thing To A Latino That We Have. Barack. Everybody Wants To See His Birth Certificate Too.

I'm Not Afraid To Take On Somebody Or Say Something That Somebody Will Find Offensive Because Unfortunately In Comedy, You Can't Say Anything Really Good Without Offending Somebody.

You Know How Mexican Restaurants Always Have "border" In The Name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You Wouldn't Do That To Black People: Kunta's Kitchen Or Shackles. They Don't Do It To White People. You Don't See The Honkey Grill, The Cracker Barrel... Oh, Nevermind.

[there's] A Joke That I've Done Forever: 'nowadays They Say That The Largest Majority Of People Will Be Latino And You'll Tell Scary Stories To Your Grandkids: "a Long Time Ago When I Was Growing Up, There Used To Be People Who Were White," And The Kid Says, "really?" And You Say, "yeah, Like The Man Who Cuts Our Grass."' I've Had That Line Forever And I Love It.

If You Had A Personal Trainer, You Would Probably Eat Him. I Know That In Every Fat Person, There's A Skinny Person Inside, But You Could Have All The Season's Contestants Of America's Next Top Model In You. I Hope I Get Reincarnated As Your Feet. That Way, You'd Never See My Face Again... Oh, I'm Sorry. I Shouldn't Have Insulted You. Because In My Country, Cows Are Sacred.