But The Biggest Fake Of

I'm A Comedian, For God's Sake. Viewers Shouldn't Trust Me. And You Know What? They're Hip Enough To Know They Shouldn't Trust Me. I'm Just Doing Stand-up Comedy.

One Man's Voltaire Is Another Man's Screech.

Born Again?! No, I'm Not. Excuse Me For Getting It Right The First Time.

A Good Rule Of Thumb Is If You've Made It To 35 And Your Job Still Requires You Wear A Nametag, You've Probably Made A Serious Vocational Error.

The Patriots Deflated Balls Are But An Allegory For America's Deflated Balls In Dealings With Putin, The Mullahs In Iran, And Islamic Terrorists.