Column Writing Is Like Gas

She Can Take A Year To Read Something, Whereas I Like A Book That Becomes More Important In My Life That Life Itself. When I Was In The Middle Of 'red Storm Rising' By Tom Clancy - Which Was Not Selected For The Man Booker Shortlist - You Could Have Taken My Liver Out And Fed It To The Dog. And I Wouldn't Have Noticed.

I Don't Think I Am Particularly Funny. In Fact, I Know I'm Not.

Do Not Cruise Through Red Lights. Because If I'm Coming The Other Way, I Will Run You Down, For Fun.

.. International Hand Of Freindship. A Cigarette

Because Drug Dealers Shoot Each Other In London, Norfolk Farmers Can't Have Guns To Defend Their Homes. I Mean, No One Wants A Gun - Except At 4am When They Hear A Strange Sound In The Kitchen.