Come On, Man, I Got

Aren't You Scared Your Kid's Getting Kidnapped...right Now?

For The Majority Of The Time, I May As Well Have Been Just A Really Tan White Kid. You Know, I May As Well Have Just Been, Like, A Fat Kid.

Oh, What's This In My Shoe? Red Carpet Insole. Everywhere I Go, I'm Walking On Red Carpet.

I Spend So Much Time On The Internet...i Feel Like I'm A Million Pages Into The Worst Book Ever, And I'm Never Going To Stop Reading.

So Many Gay Jokes Tonight About (james) Franco. Apparently If You're Clean, Well Dressed And Mildly Cultured, You're Super Gay Now. Is That Why The Rest Of You Guys Are So Aggressively Fat And Dirty? You Think If You Read One Book And Take A Shower, Dicks Are Going To Just Fly Into Your Face.