Comedy Is Really Not Like

If You Haven't Peed The Bed, You Haven't Taken Enough Chances.

No Girl Wants A Secretly Gay Boyfriend, Every Dude Wants A Secretly Gay Girlfriend.

There's A Classic Story I Tell About When I Did The Man Show About The Retarded Conversations That You Have With The Executive Producers And The Network.

I've Actually Been Doing Stand Up For More Than 20 Years. I Started In 1988. It's Almost 30 Years! Which Is Crazy.

I Have This Thing Built Into My Contract That The Club Has To Put Up A Sign That Says My Act "contains The Strongest Language And Material Content Imaginable," But, Believe It Or Not, I Still Get Complaints. People Want You To Be What They Want You To Be. If They See You On Tv And That's What They Like, They Want You To Be Exactly Like That When They See You Live. And If You're Not, Some Of Them Get Upset.