Did You Hear About The

The Pamphlet Uses My Name, My Likeness, My 'shtick' (if You Will), And My Very Act, Which Is Derived From My Personality, To Attract Attention And Converts.

There Are More Democratic Schmucks Than There Are Republican Ones.

I Didn't Think It Was Fair To Pretend To Give Of Myself When I Was So Selfishly Consumed With My Own Drives.

Ladies And Gentlemen, You Can't Please Everyone. Take My Girlfriend - I Think She's The Most Remarkable Woman In The World. . . . That's Me . . . But To My Wife . . .

My Grandfather Always Said, Don't Watch Your Money, Watch Your Health. So One Day While I Was Watching My Health, Someone Stole My Money. It Was My Grandfather.