Do You Ever Do Something,

It's Not Good For Comedy To Be Like, 'thanks For Liking Me'. Being Popular Is Poison.

I Think Sadness And Anger Are Really Fertile Ground For Comedy. No One Is Really Interested In A Happy Person Doing Comedy.

You Know It's Time To Do The Laundry When You Dry Off With A Sneaker.

You Save 15 More Minutes Of Sleep If You Are A Man And You Don't Have To Shave.

I Don't Mean To Be Gross, But The Only Time It's Good To Yell "i Have Diarrhea" Is When You're Playing Scrabble Because It's Worth A Shitload Of Points.