Don't Try To Teach Men

Envy The Kangaroo. That Pouch Setup Is Extraordinary; The Baby Crawls Out Of The Womb When It Is About Two Inches Long, Gets Into The Pouch, And Proceeds To Mature. I'd Have A Baby If It Would Develop In My Handbag.

If You Buy Your Husband Or Boyfriend A Video Camera, For The First Few Weeks He Has It, Lock The Door When You Go To The Bathroom. Most Of My Husband's Early Films End With A Scream And A Flush.

You Know It's Love When You Want To Keep Holding Hands Even After You're Sweaty.

I Have Too Many Credit Cards. You Know What Happened? Someone Stole One And I Didn't Notice. I Noticed When I Got That Bill. Whoa! It Was So Much Less! I'm Letting Him Keep It. I'm Saving Money!

I Have A Hold Limit That I've Set For Myself. I Hold Until I Start To Imagine Myself Killing The Person On The Other End. Then I Hang Up And Regroup.