Earth Day Was Created Because

You Look At My Audience, And It Proves What Congress Thinks America Is, Is Wrong. I Get People Across The Political Spectrum. Parents And Kids Come And They're All Punked Out, And There Are These Other Guys In John Deere Caps.

The Worst Thing About Halloween Is, Of Course, Candy Corn. It's Unbelievable To Me. Candy Corn Is The Only Candy In The History Of America That's Never Been Advertised. And There's A Reason. All Of The Candy Corn That Was Ever Made Was Made In 1911. And So, Since Nobody Eats That Stuff, Every Year There's A Ton Of It Left Over.

"equestrian", By The By, Is The Gayest Word In The English Language. In Fact, I Thought Brokeback Mountain Should Have Been Called Two Equestrians.

Is A Bj Adultery? What? Did I Miss A Day Of School? Of Course It Is! Oral Sex Is Adultery Like Curling Is An Olympic Sport. The Only Thing Is, Oral Sex Should Be In The Olympics Because It's Much Harder Than Curling, And If You're Good At It, You Deserve A Medal!

Nobody In College Races Home And Says, 'i Can't Wait To See The News! I Can't Wait To See Who Cbs Is Going To Hire!'