Elizabeth Taylor Was So Fat

I Was So Flat I Used To Put Xs On My Chest And Write, 'you Are Here.' I Wore Angora Sweaters Just So The Guys Would Have Something To Pet.

I Could Never Be In A Cult. For Starters, They Never Accessorize Properly. David Koresh Had No Fashion Sense, Jim Jones Wore Leisure Suits, And I Don't Care How Charismatic Osama Bin Laden Was, An Ak-47 And An Insulin Drip Do Not Take The Place Of Drop Earrings Or A Well-placed Brooch.

That Girl Had A Great Way Of Making Friends, And Strangers, And Anyone Else Who Was Around.

That Baby Is So Ugly... I've Never Seen A Six-month-old So Desperately In Need Of A Wax.

Comedy Exists To Laugh At Things That Aren't Laughable. But Isn't It? That's What Separates Us From The Animals. We Laugh.