Etiquette Is The Grease That

Journalism Was Being Whittled Away By A Wall Street Theory That Profits Can Be Maximized By Minimizing The Product.

Inanimate Objects Can Be Classified Scientifically Into Three Major Categories: Those That Don't Work, Those That Break Down And Those That Get Lost. The Goal Of All Inanimate Objects Is To Resist Man And Ultimately To Defeat Him, And The Three Major Classifications Are Based On The Method Each Object Uses To Achieve Its Purpose. As A General Rule, Any Object Capable Of Breaking Down At The Moment When It Is Most Needed Will Do So.

How Many More Years Will Our Educators Continue To Lecture Us On The Evils Of Whipping Children Until They Bring Home High Grades? Year After Year We Listen To These Fellows Tell Us That It Is Not The Grade That Counts But The Development Of The Child's Personality. After The Lecture They Go Back To All The Best Schools And Reject Our Children Because They Have C Averages.

The Charm Of Television Entertainment Is Its Ability To Bridge The Chasm Between Dinner And Bedtime Without Mental Distraction.

Windows 95 Is What Rube Goldberg Would Have Designed If He'd Studied Cartooning At M.i.t.