Everybody's Got Cable.

When I Was A Kid, You Ate, And You Drank, And You Passed Out And Nobody Woke You Up And Said, 'let's Go Shopping.

The People We Elect Aren't Bipartisan. The American Public Is Bipartisan.

I Really Wanted To Talk About The War On Terror And Say That Both Sides Were Completely Incompetent [in Addressing It]. You Can't Blame The Other Side When You're Involved In It.

I Can Pretty Much Guarantee That If I Do A Show In A Comedy Club, There Will Be Someone Who Will Come Out Of The Audience And Tell Me The Worst Joke Ever. It's Just A Guarantee.

The Fine Line That You Do When You Do Political Comedy Is, As Long As You Have That Laugh, You're Fine.