Firefighters Don't Go On Strike.

Jon Stewart Is Exactly The Same Guy He's Always Been, Only With Money. He Knows That The Moment He Really Believes He's Important, The Funny Goes Away And He Becomes Bill O'reilly, Except Shorter And Jewish.

I Think We Should Take Iraq And Iran And Combine Them Into One Country And Call It Irate. All The Pissed Off People Live In One Place And Get It Over With.

My Father Could Swear In Gaelic And English, By The Way, Ladies And Gentlemen.

I Believe In Prescription Drugs. I Believe In Feeling Better.

Every Actor Thinks He Can Do Comedy, And It's Not True.