Football Is A Sad Game.

They Say Paul Gascoigne Is The New George Best But Has He Shagged Three Miss Worlds?

Me And A Mate Picked Up Two Darling Birds And They Took Us Back To Their Flat. I Went Into The Bedroom With My Bird And She Started Getting Undressed. I Was That Drunk I Was Standing There Wondering How To Get Undressed Without Letting Go Of The Award. I Went To Sit On The Bed, Missed It By Four Feet And Ended Up Lying On The Floor. I Remember The Bird Looking Down At Me, And Saying, ‘some Player Of The Year.’ Then I Fell Asleep. I Woke Up Still Clutching My Award And Staggered Out Of The Flat. I Hadn’t A Bloody Clue Where I Was.

Don't Die Like I Did.

That's What Children Do - Throw Food. That's Not Fighting. We Were Real Men. We'd Have Chinned Them.

There Isn't A Single Player I Would Pay To Watch. A Great Entertainer Needs To Have Charisma.