For The Movie Review Columns,

There Are Two Modes Of Transport In Los Angeles: Car And Ambulance. Visitors Who Wish To Remain Inconspicuous Are Advised To Choose The Latter

I Must Take Issue With The Term 'a Mere Child,' For It Has Been My Invariable Experience That The Company Of A Mere Child Is Infinitely Preferable To That Of A Mere Adult.

When I Started Publishing, I Got Offers To Write For Big Magazines. But I Would Always Say, "well, It's Not That I Don't Want To Write For These Big Magazines, But You Can't Edit It."

Even If People Aren't Republicans, It Doesn't Seem Shocking To Them That Ronald Reagan Was The President. Well Of Course, Because Arnold Schwarzenegger Was The Governor! This Is Not Only A Bar Too Low, This Is No Bar At All. I Don't Care Who You Are, You Know 20 People Smarter Than Ronald Reagan. You Know 20 People Who Would Be A Better President Than Ronald Reagan.

The First Time I Ever Saw Platform Shoes In The '70s, I Knew They'd Been Revived From The '40s, And I Felt Sickened. And For Whatever Reason, They Keep Getting Revived. They've Come Back Four Times. I Wish We Could Let Them Die. They Want To Die. They Were Horrible Then, They're Horrible Now.