Guns Don't Kill People, People

Racist People, Interestingly, Are Never As Polite As Smokers. Have You Noticed That? Smokers Always Go, "do You Mind If I Smoke? Oh, You Do? Okay, I'll Go Outside And Have A Cigarette."

If You're Choking In A Restaurant You Can Just Say The Magic Words, 'heimlich Maneuver,' And All Will Be Well. Trouble Is, It's Difficult To Say 'heimlich Maneuver' When You're Choking To Death.

Makeup's Just Crazy, Anyways. Native Americans Used To Wear It, And It Did All Right For Them Until, Uh ... Well, Until You Killed Them All, I Suppose.

There Was No Religion In My Life Growing Up. Did God Invent Us Or Did We Invent God?

I Like My Coffee Hot And Strong. Like I Like My Women: Hot And Strong...with A Spoon In Them.