He Was Born Early. But

I Can't Get Past The Fact That Food Is Coming Out Of My Wife's Breasts. What Was Once Essentially An Entertainment Center Has Now Become A Juice Bar.

Just Because A Baby Cries, I Discovered, Doesn't Mean There's Always Something Wrong. Sometimes Babies Wake Up For No Real Reason. They Just Want To Check If They're Doing It Right. "this Is Sleeping, Right?" "exactly." "i Just Lie Here?" "that's Right." "okay." Then Back To Sleep They Go.

As You Get Older You Realize Your Parents Don't Look So Dumb - And That You're Not As Smart As You Thought You Were.

People Often Ask Me, "what's The Difference Between Couplehood And Babyhood?" In A Word? Moisture. Everything In My Life Is Now More Moist. Between Your Spittle, Your Diapers, Your Spit-up And Drool, You Got Your Baby Food, Your Wipes, Your Formula, Your Leaky Bottles, Sweaty Baby Backs, And Numerous Other Untraceable Sources-all Creating An Ever-present Moistness In My Life, Which Heretofore Was Mainly Dry.

In Fact, I Had The Idea Because Of Peter Falk. I Saw My Dad Watching A Peter Falk Movie And Something Clicked In My Head. I Gotta Go Make A Movie For Peter Falk And Me