Hookers In Times Square, God

Happy Birthday To Evil North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un. He Gathered Family And Friends Together And Celebrated By Executing A Few Close Friends.

Today Coming To Work, I Saw One Of Those Only In New York Scenes. It Was A Rat Who Had Passed Out After Choking On A Pretzel.

About Half An Hour Before Air Time - That's When I Become Hyper. I Put Everything Else Out Of My Mind And Just Let That Nervous Energy Surge Through My Body. I Start Talking Faster And Louder. My Confidence Comes Up. It's Actually A Great Feeling.

Somebody Threw A Book At President Obama. If You're Trying To Scare A President By Throwing A Book At Him, You're One President Too Late.

I Don't Mind Being Accused Of Being A Bad Comedian And I Don't Even Mind Being Accused Of Being A Bad Talk-show Host, But I Never Want To Be Accused Of Being An Arrogant, Pompous Showbiz Asshole.