Humans Are The Only Animal

Everybody Is Wondering What Paris Hilton Will Be Doing Next, And Hell, I'm Wondering What She Did Before.

Valentine's Day Money-saving Tips: Break Up On February 13th, Get Back Together On The 15th. In Place Of Bubble Bath, Use Lavender-scented Dish-washing Liquid. Forget Rose Petals. Sprinkle The Bed With Sliced Beets!

Remember Evil Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin? He Vanished For 10 Days. He Had Disappeared And There Were A Lot Of Rumors. One Rumor Was He Had Disappeared Because He Had Himself Executed.

There's Only One Requirement Of Any Of Us, And That Is To Be Courageous. Because Courage, As You Might Know, Defines All Other Human Behavior. And, I Believe - Because I've Done A Little Of This Myself - Pretending To Be Courageous Is Just As Good As The Real Thing.

Fifteen Years Ago Tomorrow I Had Open Heart Surgery, A Quintuple Bypass Surgery. Thanks To All Of My Doctors. Because Of Them, In 15 Years Of Life I've Been Able To Experience, Well, Acid Reflux, Short-term Memory Loss, And Erectile Dysfunction. Thanks For All Your Work. It's Great To Be Alive.