I Am A Man. And

I Have A Jar At Home, And I Put Pennies In It Whenever I Curse. The Other Day I Spilled The Jar. I Owe It About $25.

Statistics Indicate That The Average American Is A Guy Named Brian Who Lives In Ohio.

Now I Got A Time Machine At Home. It Only Goes Foreword At Regular Speed. It's Essentially A Cardboard Box And On The Outside I Wrote Time Machine In Sharpie.

The Problem With My Balloon Collection Is That People Always Think There's A Party. Settle Down. It's Not A Party. It's Just Balloons.

I Think Statues Are Great; They Show What Great People Would Look Like If A Bird Sh*t All Over Them.