I Don't Know What They

Today Mitt Romney Is 68 Years Old. It's Kind Of Sad, A 68-year-old Guy With No Job, No Future - Wait A Minute, That's Me.

Happy Birthday To Fay Wray, A Wonderful Actress. She Was, Of Course, In The Movie 'king Kong' And Would Have Been 99-years-old Today. She Was Famous Because Of Her Love Interest With A Giant Ape, And, Wait A Minute, That's Maria Shriver.

Former President Bill Clinton Is On The Program Tonight. He Says That While His Wife Runs For President, He Would Like To Stay Out Of The Limelight. Well, He's Certainly Come To The Right Place. He'll Be Fine Here.

Bronco Rick Perry Is The First Candidate I've Ever Heard Say He's Not Doing Well Because He's Sleepy. You Know, We Criticized George W. Bush A Lot, But There Was One Thing He Was Very Disciplined About, And That Was Getting His Full Eight Years Of Sleep.

Newt Gingrich Has Criticized 'new York Elites' Who Ride The Subway. One Of Those Subway Elites Threw Up On My Pants This Morning.