I Don't Think Comedians Make

That's Why When I Send A Postcard I Quiz People. "hey, Did You Get That Postcard?" "yeah, Yeah Yeah." "well What'd I Say?" "uh, You Were Havin-" "i Was In Jail"

I Think It's Important To Control Your Opportunities, Because In The Entertainment World, It's Not Up To You. I'm Not Sitting Here Under This Naïve Belief That Someone In Hollywood Is Going, "gaffigan! What Kind Of A Show Can I Build Around Him?" So You Have To Find Things That Can Showcase Your Point Of View.

There Has Been This Belief Among The Catholic Community - And This - I'm No Expert, This Is My Opinion - That Cafeteria Catholics Are Wrong.

Smiling Babies Should Actually Be Categorized By The Pharmaceutical Industry As A Powerful Antidepressant.

There's Something About Being A Parent That Has, I Think, Made Me A Better Comedian.