I Don't Think Half My

When You’re A Bed Wetter There’s Only One Group Of People You Can Feel Better Than, Bed Shitters, And Unfortunately They’re Hard To Come By.

I Think Jews Tend To Hold Me In Fairly High Regard.

I Got Jury Duty And I Didn't Want To Go, So My Friend Said, "you Should Write Something Really Really Racist On The Form When You Return It. Like, You Should Put 'i Hate Chinks'." And I Said, "i'm Not Going To Put That On There Just To Get Out Of Jury Duty. I Don't Want People To Think That About Me." So Instead I Wrote, "i Love Chinks." And Who Doesn't?

Scientology Is Weird Because It's New.

It's Just Hard To Say, "well, I Do This, Which Means This." If I'm Telling You Exactly Who I Am, Then There's Nothing For The Audience To Say.