I Don't Think What I

Five Years From Now I'm Probably Going To Look Back On The Things I'm Doing And Cringe.

I Might Sound Crazy About This But, Years Ago, My Mom Told Me: "we Almost Died When You Were Born. Both Of Us." I Was A Caesarean Baby, And The Doctor Who Delivered Me Later Told Me, "i Opened Your Mother Up, And You Were Right There. It Freaked Me Out Because Everything Was Broken And Out-there." I've Thought About It A Lot - Could This Have Something To Do With The Fact That I'm Only Happy When I'm At Home And Alone? Maybe I Was Just Freaking Out For Two Weeks Before I Was Born, Feeling Really Insecure.

I've Done Things That Can Be Made Fun Of. It's Not Such A Bad Thing. If I'm Going To End Up A Role Model, Then I'd Rather Not End Up Being The Kind Of Role Model That Pretends To Be Perfect, And Pretends That She Always Has The Right Thing To Say. I'm A Product Of Role Models That Didn't Make Me Feel Like I Was As Good As Them.

When You're Surrounded By All These People, It Can Be Even Lonelier Than When You're By Yourself. You Can Be In A Huge Crowd, But If You Don't Feel Like You Can Trust Anybody Or Talk To Anybody, You Feel Like You're Really Alone.

I've Gone Through Stages Where I Hate My Body So Much That I Won't Even Wear Shorts And A Bra In My House Because If I Pass A Mirror, That's The End Of My Day.