I Don't Want A Zombie

Ever Since 'lassie' And 'old Yeller', I Won't Watch Animal Movies. Animals In Movies Always Die.

Nothings Ever Real Until Its Real.

For A Catholic Kid In Parochial School, The Only Way To Survive The Beatings - By Classmates, Not The Nuns - Was To Be The Funny Guy.

If I Fail, The Film Industry Writes Me Off As Another Statistic. If I Succeed, They Pay Me A Million Bucks To Fly Out To Hollywood And Fart.

When I Was Old Enough To Go To Movies Alone, I Got To See 'frankenstein' And 'dracula' On The Big Screen. I Just Fell In Love With Them.