I Don't Want To Hear

Comedy Is Just Complaining In An Entertaining Way, Enterplaining.

A Two-year-old Is Kind Of Like Having A Blender, But You Don't Have A Top For It.

I Have A Problem With That Silver Medal. It's Like, 'congratulation S, You Almost Won. Of All The Losers, You're The Number One Loser. No One Lost Ahead Of You.'

When Someone Does A Small Task Beautifully, Their Whole Environment Is Affected By It.

It's Like Having... You Know, Your Phone Has A Charger, Right? It's Like Having A Charger For Your Whole Body And Mind. That's What Transcendental Meditation Is!