I Don't Want To Wake

You'll Get My Assault Weapon When You Pry It Out Of My Curious Six-year-old's Cold Dead Hands.

I Was Raised Catholic. I Rejected It Later On. I'm An Outspoken Atheist Now. People Say, 'oh, It's A Negative Thing To Be An Atheist.' I Don't Agree. I Think It's More Optimistic To Think That There Is No God, No Afterlife.

I Will Never Understand How A Mother Can Kill Her Own Baby And Not Get Away With It.

I Would Write 100 Jokes A Day. Most Of Them Were Terrible. But I Just Said, 'i'll Write More Than Everybody Else, And That's How I'll Get Better.'

When I Finished High School, I Wanted To Take All My Graduation Money And Buy Myself A Motorcycle. But My Mom Said No. See, She Had A Brother Who Died In A Horrible Motorcycle Accident When He Was 18. And I Could Just Have His Motorcycle.