I Don't Watch Reality Tv.

I Used To Do Drugs, But That Was Way Back There.

I Smoke So Much. Three Packs A Day... I Went To The Bathroom, A Camel Came Out Of My Ass.

So I Took Her Back To My Place And We Did It Doggy Style, Not Because We Planned It That Way, But That's Just How She Passed Out.

I'm Sorry, Was That Homophobic? No--i Think It Was, 'cause I Hear That A Lot. Dave, What?, You're Talking About Being Gay. You Probably Secretly Are Gay. And I'm Like Listen Voice In My Head, I'm Not! How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? I Know I Wouldn't Like It, Other Scarier Voice In My Head! 'cause One Time While Making A Sandwich, A Cucumber Went Up My Ass. Three Times.

Once You Get Offstage You're Just Like Everyone Else, And Everyone Else Can Get Into A Fight.