I Got An Ant Farm.

If My Kid Couldn't Draw I'd Make Sure That My Kitchen Magnets Didn't Work.

I Think Pickles Are Cucumbers That Sold Out.

I Had A Stick Of Carefree Gum, But It Didn't Work. I Felt Pretty Good While I Was Blowing That Bubble, But As Soon As The Gum Lost Its Flavor, I Was Back To Pondering My Mortality.

People Ask Me For My Autograph After A Show. I'm Not Famous, I Think They're Messing With Me. I Think They're Trying To Make Me Late For Something.

So, I Sit At The Hotel At Night And I Think Of Something That's Funny. Or, If The Pen Is Too Far Away, I Have To Convince Myself That What I Thought Of Wasn't Funny.