I Hadn't Had A Perfect

When I Was In Therapy About Two Years Ago, One Day I Noticed That I Hadn't Had Any Children. And I Like Children At A Distance. I Wondered If I'd Like Them Up Close. I Wondered Why I Didn't Have Any. I Wondered If It Was A Mistake, Or If I'd Done It On Purpose, Or What. And I Noticed My Therapist Didn't Have Any Children Either. He Had Pictures Of His Cats On The Wall. Framed.

I Fantasize About Going Back To High School With The Knowledge I Have Now. I Would Shine. I Would Have A Good Time, I Would Have A Girlfriend. I Think That's Where A Lot Of My Pain Comes From. I Think I Never Had Any Teenage Years To Go Back To.

I Say That I Can't Make Anything Up. I Think Of Myself As A Collage Artist. I'm Cutting And Pasting Memories Of My Life. And I Say, I Have To Live A Life In Order To Tell A Life. I Would Prefer To Tell It Because Telling You're Always In Control, You're Like God.

I Think Of New York As A Puree And The Rest Of The United States As Vegetable Soup.

I Consulted A Therapist At Mass. General. After About 20 Minutes, He Stopped Me And Said, 'you're Just A Big Existential Garbage Pail. Go Home And Relax.'