I Happen To Have A

I'm Really Encouraged By Pope Francis, Because I Think His Attitude Is Totally Laudable.

I Have Never Wanted To Be Famous, As Such - Fame Is A By-product.

I'm An Entertainer. I Don't Go Round Saying I'm A Paragon Of Virtue, So That Is Clearly Not In The Public Interest.

Comedy Is Unique In The Sense That Laughter Is A Palpable Noise That Everyone Makes.

People Come Up To Me In Supermarkets And Demand Humour. And The Less Amusing I Am, The More They Piss Themselves. So I Say, "i'm Doing My Shopping, Mate, Ok?" And The Guy Will Be On The Floor In Hysterics. Quite Odd. Eventually I Do Have To Say Something Funny So I Usually Go For Something Pathetic Like, "it's A Nice Place To Shop But I Wouldn't Like To Live Here!" And They Roar Again. Wet Themselves. I'm Lucky Though That I Am Not Massively Famous, I Can Get The Tube Without Much Bother. Must Be Awful Being The Beckhams.