I Haven't Reached Nirvana Yet,

I Like My Cinema Gritty, I Like My Eggs Gritty.

The Russian Economy Is Tanking. It's Gotten So Bad That Today Vladimir Putin Had To Pawn His Stolen Super Bowl Ring. And Putin Will Finance His Next Invasion On Kickstarter.

It's Autumn In New York. The Colors Are Changing — Yellow, The Browns, The Greens, The Oranges. And That's Just The Tap Water.

My Good Friend Paul Shaffer And I Are Going To Continue In Show Business. Next Month Paul And I Will Debut Our New Act At Caesar's Palace With Our White Tigers.

Hillary's Trying To Appear Downhome. Earlier Today She Was Sitting On The Front Porch Of A General Store Whittling A Pantsuit.