I Like Animals Who Trust

I Don't Like Food That's Too Carefully Arranged; It Makes Me Think That The Chef Is Spending Too Much Time Arranging And Not Enough Time Cooking. If I Wanted A Picture I'd Buy A Painting.

I Don't Pick Subjects As Much As They Pick Me.

Making Duplicate Copies And Computer Printouts Of Things No One Wanted Even One Of In The First Place Is Giving America A New Sense Of Purpose.

Yes, We Praise Women Over 40 For A Multitude Of Reasons. Unfortunately, It's Not Reciprocal. For Every Stunning, Smart, Well-coiffed, Hot Woman Over 40, There Is A Bald, Paunchy Relic In Yellow Pants Making A Fool Of Himself With Some 22-year Old Waitress. Ladies, I Apologize. For All Those Men Who Say, "why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?", Here's An Update For You. Nowadays 80% Of Women Are Against Marriage. Why? Because Women Realize It's Not Worth Buying An Entire Pig Just To Get A Little Sausage!

I Know A Lot Of You Believe That Most People In The News Business Are Liberal. Let Me Tell You, I Know A Lot Of Them, And They Were Almost Evenly Divided This Time. Half Of Them Liked Senator Kerry; The Other Half Hated President Bush.