I Like To Think Of

She, Uh, Came Out Of The Closet Recently, My Niece. Um... She Announced To The Family That She's A Lesbian And... She's Seven, Did I Mention That? And, Uh, I Don't Even Know If She Knows What A Lesbian Is, But I Support Her Completely. And, Uh... I'll Tell You What's Heartbreaking. My Sister Punished Her For It. Can You Believe That? No Pussy For A Week. Which To Us May Not Sound Like... But When You're Seven, You Know, A Week Is A Long Time.

And Then Before Going Back For My Sophomore Year, I Decided To Change My Major To Arts And Sciences, And My Dad Cut A Deal With Me: He Said If I'd Quit School He'd Pay My Rent For The Next Three Years, As If I Were In School.

I'm All Sentimental. I've Probably Been Ruined By Romantic Movies, But I Really Do Believe In Love. I've Experienced It, I've Had It, So I Know It's Real.

Being With Friends Felt Like A Burden. I Remember Just Sobbing.

Don’t Forget, God Can See You Masturbating. But Don’t Stop. He’s Almost There.