I Live To Collect Information,

The Truth Is, I Need To Experience My Mother's Presence In The World Around Me And Not Just In My Head.

Television Has Never Known What To Do With Grief, Which Resists Narrative: The Dramas Of Grief Are Largely Internal - For The Bereaved, It Is A Chaotic, Intense, Episodic Period, But The Chaos Is By And Large Subterranean, And Easily Appears Static To The Friendly Onlooker Who Has Absorbed The Fact Of Loss And Moved On.

My Mother Died Of Metastatic Colorectal Cancer Shortly Before Three P.m. On Christmas Day Of 2008. I Don't Know The Exact Time Of Her Death, Because None Of Us Thought To Look At A Clock For A While After She Stopped Breathing.

Suddenly It Was Fall, The Season Of Death, The Anniversary Of Things-going-to-hell.

Nothing Prepared Me For The Loss Of My Mother. Even Knowing That She Would Die Did Not Prepare Me.