I Love Doubleheaders. That Way

It's Still The Best Game In Town Because You Don't Have To Be Big To Play, And Everybody Plays. Even Your Grandmother Probably Played Baseball.

I Walk Into The Clubhouse Today And It's Like Walking Into The Mayo Clinic. We Have Four Doctors, Three Therapists And Five Trainers. Back When I Broke In, We Had One Trainer Who Carried A Bottle Of Rubbing Alcohol, And By The 7th Inning He'd Already Drunk It.

The Gym Teacher's Name Was Mr. Caruso. Mr. Caruso Did Not Speak English. He Spoke 'gym.' One Day I Was Playing Basketball And Mr. Caruso Told Me I Would Have To Get An Athletic Supporter. He Didn't Express Himself Exactly That Way, Though. He Said, 'hey, You, One Day You're Gonna Go Up For A Rebound And The Family Jewels Aren't Gonna Go With Ya.' I Had No Idea What He Was Talking About. Next Day I Showed Up For Practice Without My Watch And My Mezuzah. He Said, 'did Ya Take Care Of The Family Jewels?' I Said, 'i Left 'em In My Locker.' Took Us A Half Hour To Revive Mr. Caruso.

Everybody Makes Mistakes, That's Why They Put Erasers On Pencils

Talking About Your Troubles Is No Good. Eighty Percent Of Your Friends Don't Care And The Rest Are Glad.