I’m A Comedian Who Got

This Is How You Answer A Door In My Neighborhood. Who Is It?

There's Always Been A Lot Of Negative Stuff Written About Me. That's Why I Don't Pay Any Attention To The Critics. They've Never Liked Anything I've Done. What Do Critics Know? It's The Way The Audience Reacts That Matters.

The Other Day I Got Out The Shower And I Bend Down To Reach For A Towel, And I Felt A Sharp Pain In My Chest. Shot Through My Chest And Up Around My Shoulder And Down My Spine. I Thought 'oh, Lord.' I Thought I Was Dying. I Bent Over And Looked, And I Was Standing On My Own Titty.

When I'm Doing Stand-up, It's Just Me Depending On Me. I Know How To Go Out There And Make People Laugh. I've Been Doing It Since I Was A Teenager. I Trust My Instincts. I Just Go Out And Talk. A Lot Of The Time I Let The Material Come From The Top Of My Head.

Is It Just Me, Or Does Every Woman In New York Have A Severe Emotional Problem?