I'm Not Gay, So I

I Was In My Peak Physical Condition When I Was About Like, Uh... One. Oh God, I Looked Good, Young And Fresh! You Wouldn't Know Me Now If You'd Seen Me When I Was One, You Know? I Even Looked Good For My Age. People Would Come Up To Me And Go, What Are You, Zero? And I'd Go, No, I'm One Over Here!

I've Always Been Very Averse To Innuendo, Especially Sexual. I Find It Cowardly Or Something.

The Standard Of Morals Is As Variable As Morals Themselves; Of Which Every Nation Has A Different Code, And Every Custom A Different Reading.

He That Searches For Praise Will Often Find Contempt.

Stand-up Has The Best Writers, Because It's The Hardest Writing By A Million Miles.