I May Not Agree With

I Gotta Tell You, I Do Not Envy Whoever They Try To Put In David Letterman's Chair. Folks Those Are Some Huge Shoes To Fill, And Some Really Big Pants.

If You Imitate Someone, You Owe Them A Royalty Check. If You Emulate Them, You Don't. There's A Big Difference. Check Your Lawyer.

Hey, Single Malt Scotch, Youre Thirty Years Old. When Are You Going To Settle Down And Get Married To My Stomach?

My Brother Billy Was The Joke Teller. My Brother Jim Had A Really Sharp, Cutting Wit. And The Teller Of Long Stories, That Was My Brother Ed. As A Child, I Just Absorbed Everything They Said, And I Was Always In Competition For The Laughs.

Charles Darwin Got Totally Hammered, Woke Up Next To A Monkey And Decided He Had To Come Up With A Theory To Make It All Okay.