I Mean, I Do Love

When Every High School Graduate Can Spell The Word, 'inauguration,' Let's Put Lampshades On Our Heads And Listen To His Speeches Until Obama's Voice Gives Out.

I Get The First Flight Out From Anywhere I Am Because I Have To Come Home To My Kids.

When A Woman Extends Her Hand For You To Shake It, Then You Shake Her Hand. You Do Not Turn It Up And Kiss It. And It Is Just So Creepy. Because, You Know, I Handed It At This Angle. I Handed It At The Handshake Angle And So I'm Not Giving It To You To Do Whatever You Want With It. I'm Not Loaning It To You. It's Like If Somebody Borrowed Your Lawnmower And You're Assuming They're Going To Use It To Mow Their Lawn. You Don't Want To Find Out Later They Put It In The Ocean!

I've Decided That Perhaps I'm Bulimic And Just Keep Forgetting To Purge.

I Was Born In Alabama, But I Only Lived There For A Month Before I'd Done Everything There Was To Do.