I Played Golf... I Did

Onions Make Me Sad, A Lot Of People Don't Realize That. When I'm Cutting Onions, I'm Sad. Because The Plight Of Onions, It's Sad. But People Don't Realize I'm Actually Crying - They Think I'm Just Reacting.

A Lot Of Bands Have Intense Names, Like "rigor Mortis" Or "mortuary". We Weren't That Intense, We Called Ourselves "injured". Later On We Changed It To "acapella" When We Were Walking Out Of The Pawn Shop.

I Don't Have A Microwave Oven, But I Do Have A Clock That Occasionally Cooks Stuff.

Every Book Is A Children's Book If The Kid Can Read!

I Can Read Minds, But I'm Illiterate.