I See Guys Who Can't

You Can Never Make A Woman Happy, It's Impossible. I've Never Met A Happy Woman In My Life. They're Always Complaining About Something.

School Shootings Were Invented By Blacks... And Stolen By The White Man.

Give Me A Black Man, A White Woman, A Giraffe, A Zebra Anything But Another White Man! That Last One F***ed Up My Roof!

Nobody's Good. I Hate It. I Truly Hate It. I Mean, There's A Lot Of Guys Doing Stuff I Admire, But Stand-up-wise I Feel Very Alone. I Really Miss Bill Hicks. I Wish I Could Have Put Him On My Show. And I Really Miss Sam Kinison A Lot. Richard Pryor's Sick... It's Like You Get Here And Then, Oh Wait A Minute, There's Nobody Here Any More. I Feel Like The Guy Who Finally Got Into Studio 54, Three Years Too Late, Duh, Where Are All The Famous People?

Carol Leifer Is Funny, Really Funny.