I Still Believe In The

Maybe I've Moved To The Dark Side, But It's Clean And Nice And We Never Run Out Of Toilet Paper.

I'm Not Lazy. I'm Simply Judicious About Excess Movement.

I'm Very Detail Oriented. I Think That's Why People Enjoy My Memoirs - Because I Tend To Remember Everything.

The Best Thing About Being 45 Is Not Taking Myself So Seriously. Do I Miss The Package I Came In At 25? I Do. Gravity Is No One's Friend. Yet The Perspective I've Gained Is So Worth The Wear And Tear. What Would Have Mortified Me At 25 Is Now Simply Fodder For A Funny, Relatable Story. Also? I Was A Waitress At 25, And Now I'm An Author. Forty-five Is Definitely Better.

Ambien Might Have Mentally Just Tossed My Salad. With Croutons.