I Sued American Apparel Because

Please Forgive Me. My Pedicurist Had A Stroke. She Fell Forward Onto The Orange Stick And Plunged It Into My Toe. It Required Bandaging.

I Hope You're Getting This Down.

Geez, I Should Stop Ruining My Life Searching For Answers I'm Never Gonna Get, And Just Enjoy It While It Lasts.

When I Asked My Mother Where Babies Came From, She Thought I Said Rabies. She Said You Get Them From Being Bitten By A Dog. The Next Week, A Woman On My Block Gave Birth To Triplets... I Thought She'd Been Bitten By A Great Dane.

My Ex-wife Was A Philosophy Major At Nyu. Yeah, She And I Used To Have Deep Philosophical Discussions Where She Would Prove That I Didn't Exist.